


Stealing Back My Best Friend

by Mr_Quigley



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Funny, M/M, Pranks, Silly, hide just wants attention, might add more characters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-05-30 21:41:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19411957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mr_Quigley/pseuds/Mr_Quigley
Summary: The distance Kaneki's put between them was getting bigger, and Hide couldn't take it anymore. So, he pranks him. And does it again. Another time. And more, until the gap closes.(In which Hide tries to steal Kaneki's attention back by playing a series of pranks.)





	1. There's Nothing I Do Better Than Make a Scene

It was a beautiful day to ignore your best friend, Hide supposed wistfully.

He was currently sitting at a windowside table in Anteiku, giving himself an excuse to check in on Kaneki. The knucklehead had gone out of his way to avoid Hide, and it seemed the only place Hide could stably catch Kaneki anymore was at his workplace.

It was stupid, really. Ever since the day of that accident, Kaneki made it a life goal not to hang out or talk with him. They only shared one class in Kamii, so seeing each other at school was a no go even when Kaneki decided to show up, and the chances that Kaneki would sit with Hide during a work break were exactly none. Hide could now confidently say his life sucked.

But he took another sip of coffee instead, trying to get his mind off the abomination that is homework and friendship alike. He was so deep in, ‘No, I can’t do this,’ territory to concentrate on anymore school related problems, and he was seriously debating using the ‘I was going to have a mental breakdown’ card to explain his recent lack of motivation to his teachers. He should save that card for later though, when it comes down to that Asian History essay. A few more weeks would be tolerable.

Scheduling his mental breakdown on the calendar, he tried thinking of ways to salvage his relationship with Kaneki.

It’s been a while since he last made a scene… 

Hide waddled furiously into Anteiku the next day with big news. The second the door dividing him and his best friend was out of the way, he was in Kaneki’s face, unable to stop the goods from spilling.

“Dude, we _need_ to talk.”

Perhaps it was the rushed manner in which he spoke, or the very close proximity he was to Kaneki, but he fumbled over his words giving Hide the upperhand. “Wha-what are you-!”

“I’m pregnant!”

Kaneki’s eyes went wide, way wider than they already had been, and Hide could see the way his mind went blank before going into a panic.

“Wait, what?! What happened? You didn’t even—who did you- you didn’t tell me you were seeing someone. Hide, what’s going on? Are you okay? Did you go to the doctor’s? What can I- What can I do? I can help you, just—what-”

The growing smile on Hide’s face could’ve been relief it were any other situation, but he realized.

“Wait… Hide, you’re _male_.”

“Glad you noticed!”

“And that means… You can’t _get_ pregnant.”

“One can say that, certainly.”

Kaneki stared at him for a good couple seconds, eyeing the unashamed smug expression on his face before he groaned. “You almost gave me a heart attack. I legitimately thought something was wrong.”

Fingers had made their way to his back, trying to rub the tension away. The urgency in Hide’s face made him think Hide had been serious, even though his brain hadn’t connected the dots properly first. He could be such a handful. 

The only reaction he got to the obvious exasperation was a, “Look on the bright side!”

“What bright side?” Kaneki glared.

Hide shrugged and left the café.


	2. May Our Futures Remain Deeply Intertwined

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the long wait! But alas, here we finally have it! Another chapter from yours truly!

Eyes are the windows to your soul, sure, but hands are the panes to your future. _That’s_ why fortune-tellers want to see them so much. So it would be in Hide’s best interest to take care of them and do something special, like getting his nails done!

Now, that’s not to say people with no hands have no future. It just means… Your future is decomposing before the rest of you.

Or, that your future became alot harder to read, but Hide was no fortune teller, he was just a prank puller. Don’t take his word for things.

But that was basically the line of thought that made him get a manicure and show up to Anteiku as his usual giggly self.

It did nothing to help Kaneki think he wasn’t suspicious of _something_ , but sometimes that was the point. Hide wanted Kaneki to know what he did, or else he wouldn’t make it so obvious. He could recall the times Hide was serious about getting back at people; and believe Kaneki when he said, if Hide didn’t want to get caught—he wouldn’t.

The sight of Hide laughing very apparently at his usual spot was just the baitiest bait he’d ever seen, but it would be better to get it over with sooner rather than later.

Walking over to his best friend, a very tired yet anticipating smile broke onto his face. Truly, Hide was the best distraction his life had to offer, and he’d be forever grateful for it. No matter how far he’s gone off the deep end, he always found some way to adjust and make Kaneki feel okay, even for just a second. There were no amount of thank you’s appropriate to express the raw amount of gratitude he had towards Hide and all of his actions. He just… he made everything feel bearable. Like, if he had to go through something terrifying again because of his circumstances, it would be worth it. If he had to face someone worse than Rize and Tsukiyama or the Doves, it wouldn’t be a meaningless feat. He wouldn’t be surviving just to see another day, he’d be surviving because he genuinely wanted to. That’s the type of effect Hide had on him.

“So, what’ll it be today, Hide?”

He got a smirk in return. “Can I have a latte with three shots of espresso, no foam, a bunch of whip cream, matcha powder, seven generous pumps of caramel syrup, half whole milk, half almond milk, light mocha drizzle, and a sprinkle of salt on top?”

The look of absolute exasperation on Kaneki’s face was so hysterical that Hide nearly lost all control of his bladder. “I hate you.”

Since he wasn’t able to write down the whole order with how long it was and how fast he said it, Kaneki motioned for Hide to repeat himself so he could get it right this time.

“I’ll have an iced hazelnut mocha with heavy cream, cinnamon powder, two pumps of peppermint syrup, a splash of soy, half coconut milk, half steamed lemon tea, and foam.”

Kaneki hadn’t the slightest idea what the first order had been, but he swore this one was completely different. And, not to mention, just as ridiculous. He knew for a fact his abomination of a friend hated most of those ingredients. (Wait a minute, did he just tell him to put a hot beverage inside an iced drink?) “This isn’t Starbucks, Hide.”

“Okay, okay, you got me! I’ll just-”

“I’m making you a cappuccino.”

“But-”

“No ‘buts’. You’ve lost the right.”

“I was just going to ask if you could make the one you did last week, when I came here to study.”

Hide laughed gently, and damn if that wasn’t the most pretty thing, but the context for it made Kaneki snort.

“Oh my god, no, that wasn’t a cappuccino! It was vanilla icecream and espresso! You just waited too long to drink it and all the icecream melted! You know what, though? I could put a handsome helping of vanilla powder in your drink instead.”

“Ew, no. I’ll stick to the regular.”

And of course something totally normal was beyond Hide’s comprehension.

Kaneki had never been a fan of anything sweet, so making drinks for Hide wasn’t much different as a ghoul. Other than the defiled coffee tasting slightly more like trash, it didn’t serve as close of a problem that food did.

The only rule—if it wasn’t enough to make him look as if he entered a fifth dimension, it wasn’t enough sugar. And yes, he did have to sample Hide’s drinks, because sometimes adding a mountain of sugar to his coffee simply wasn’t enough. _(His best friend was perfectly ridiculous.)_

Setting down Hide’s regular cappuccino on the table, he looked to his friend for anything else, but what he got in return… how could he explain this? 

“Thank you _so much_ for your service.”

It was fucking weird.

Hide took Kaneki’s hand in his own to express his gratitude and made sure he saw his nails in the process. His _manicured_ and _whimsically painted_ nails which he knew for a fact he was using as a ploy to flirt with him.

My god, why did he put up with this?

(It was obvious why, but Hide could be so embarrassing sometimes.)

“Uh, er, no problem?” Oh no, he could feel the blush on his cheeks flare up. He was totally letting Hide win without meaning to.

Seeing how much this was affecting his dear friend, he went one step further and brushed his thumb against his knuckles. The sight of Kaneki averting his gaze afterwards was too good for the world, honestly.

But as soon as he let go, he had to ask.

“Oh, and Kaneki? Can I have some honey?”

“Honey?”

Hide smirked, “Yes, darling?”

Kaneki facepalmed and walked away.

He should’ve known. Who the hell puts honey in their coffee? Even Hide wouldn’t stoop that low.

Throughout Kaneki’s shift, Hide would continue to intercept him at random moments just to make a dumb comment or show off his nails in some way.

The extent of what Kaneki caught Hide doing included, and was not limited to:

-Dramatically drumming his nails against the table in absolute fascination of them.

-Wiggling his eyebrows when Kaneki walked past.

-Gasping and putting his fancy hands over his mouth whenever Kaneki got something else for Hide.

-Sighing dreamily out the window (again, a common occurrence when Kaneki walked past, as if completely smitten with him).

-Commenting a generous, “I like the way you, uh… serve coffee.” When having his cup refilled.

-Biting his lip when Kaneki had to serve someone close to his table.

-Purposefully trying to catch Kaneki’s gaze and averting it soon after to make it look like he “accidentally” got caught staring at him.

-Having fun pulling a “you can’t see me” with nails longer than their usual height.

-Nearly poking his eyes out doing just that.

-Setting his hands down to evaluate the rest of his actions.

-Nearly having an existential crisis before changing his mind and blowing a kiss Kaneki’s way.

-Winking, definitely alot of winking.

-Figuring out how to use his phone with long nails.

-Looking ridiculous doing so.

-Taking a selfie while flipping a fabulous bird.

-And occasionally try and actually study. How considerate.

But he’d be wrong if he said his shift wasn’t extremely entertaining for those reasons. All in all, he had a fun day, and he was ready to leave with the idiot who made it so. He ran to the back to get his stuff, and left for the door assuming Hide was waiting outside for him since he left the table.

As soon as he made for the exit though, he felt a woman caress the back of his neck?

Flinching would be a funny term to describe the way he reacted to that, because it certainly isn’t what happened. He jumped backwards and practically screamed from the feeling that lady sent running down his spine. But when he turned to look at the culprit, it wasn’t… Well, they weren’t female, for one.

“HIDE?!”

“Hi!”

“What. What was that. Why.”

Hide lifted up his hands, and there, in all their glory, was the manicure Hide showed up to his workplace with.

“That. That wasn’t funny. I thought you were some random woman. Don’t do that.”

It was too late though, his best friend was already laughing his ass off. “Oh- Oh my gosh- That’s not what I- HAHAHA!”

“Let me get this straight, you weren’t trying to scare me shitless?” Kaneki was very skeptical about this. He wouldn’t put it past Hide to. But at the same time, he never intentionally tried to jumpscare Kaneki. He knew better.

The nervousness in his expression became apparent when he was done laughing, obviously feeling a little guilty and unsure of how serious Kaneki was taking this. “Oh, no, I was just trying to get your attention! I swear I wasn’t trying to scare you, I’m sorry!”

But Kaneki didn’t take any offence. He was just angry that he fell for that when it wasn’t even intended.

“You’re so mean, you know that?” Kaneki pouted. “And flirting with me the whole day, of course that’s your idea of a prank.”

The sigh that came out of Kaneki's mouth after saying that was just ///. Please, someone, pinch him.

Hide didn’t miss the slight blush that appeared alongside it either. His plan might be working better than expected. Just the thought of that was enough to make his heart pound faster. He must be imagining things...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, I actually wrote the intro to this chapter almost right after the first one came out, but I was having a hard time making up the weird coffee orders for Hide and got sidetracked because of it. I was just being super stubborn and wouldn't get the rest of it done until I got those two jokes down, and I hated having to make up the orders because I don't understand coffee that well to make a long-ish ridiculous sounding request.
> 
> I had a few jokes I wrote down to incorporate in other scenes, but that was as far as it got until I inevitably had to stare this problem down and get it over with. Write it out. After I got that done, I was able to transition into the jokes I really wanted to get to, before I stopped again.
> 
> I just felt like I wasn't getting to point fast enough, and it was eating at me, so I avoided it and checked in on it every once in a while, but not writing anything else for it until today. A friend of mine was wondering what happened with this fic since I was telling her the idea to a Naruto one I recently wrote, and she was like, "Bro, you need to update that! It was really funny!"
> 
> If I couldn't get it done today, then when would I? So I just took the time to sit down and write the rest of it since I was already in a good writing mood, and viola! Another beautiful chapter! And longer than the first one too! I'm so proud!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!

**Author's Note:**

> I was having a hard time making this chapter longer since the idea for this one wasn't that complicated. I remembered a video of some dude telling his mom he was pregnant, and his mom freaks out before she realizes the problem. I thought it be funny to put Hide and Kaneki in a similar situation, so! Yee!


End file.
